Come and find me
by btrfanfiction1516
Summary: I look into the blue eyes of my best friend and it feels like staring down a stranger. They are familiar and foreign all in the same moment, glossy and pleading. The dimly lit street allows only enough light to cast glimmers on our faces and subtle shadow
1. This is our story of

**_PROLOGUE;_**

_I look into the blue eyes of my best friend and it feels like staring down a stranger. They are familiar and foreign all in the same moment, glossy and pleading. The dimly lit street allows only enough light to cast glimmers on our faces and subtle shadows on the ground. It's raining but I've hardly noticed; all I see is him. "Megan please don't go," he says desperately. "I-I'm sorry." A tear falls steadily down my cheek. I don't want to go but I have to be strong for myself. I run forward and wrap my arms around him in a hug. "I love you Niall," I say near his ear, "I just don't like the person you've become." I hold back a sob, "When my best friend comes back tell him to find me." I don't say another word I just go, leaving him all alone in the dark street._


	2. How it began

**Welp, I'm too excited so I'm just going to post the first chapter ^_^**

* * *

_Amanda_

I turn the page of the super cheesy romantic novel my friend had given me last Christmas that I had just now bothered to start reading, I skim through the black lettered print pages filled with gushy romantic love that is clearly a fairy tale. Because let's face it. This Niall character is pissing me off, what kind of a friend treats a girl like complete shit? I do have to say I'm pretty impressed that Megan had the sheer guts to let go of the douche bag, but I knew I shouldn't hold my breath on that because as we all know all romance novels usually end in the lover boy running back to the distressed heart-broken girl begging for her to let him have another chance. And as always, you guessed it. The girl will become an emotional wreck and start sobbing and she shakes her head yes and they kiss and all is well again and they live happy ever after.

No.

Just no. That's not reality. If I was Megan and a douchebag came up to my front door with flowers and chocolate professing how wrong he was and wanted me back. I'd knee him where it hurts take the chocolate and slam the door in his face. Because in reality, that's how life is. If you're going to be a jerk, well then, you better be ready to suffer the consequences. Boys need to know that if they mess up with a girl, they can't just come back and swoop her back up in their arms and give them chocolate well sporting there adorable smile. They need to earn it first; they need to prove to that girl that they would do anything in their power to get the one thing they want most in the world back in their life. I'm sure they'd chop their own balls off if it meant being able to play there X-box 24/7 without their family or girlfriends pestering them, especially their girlfriends. They nag them constantly! Yes, your boyfriend likes Call of Duty – Stop Crying about it

If you didn't catch on yet. The characters in this book and the things that are being said in this book is basically my entire relationship with Kendall, my best friend.

Sure it may sound stupid and downright ridiculous that they could spend so much time on the damn thing, but hey it's how they roll. Just like how us girls can talk about crazy obsessed boy bands and the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars for five hours and never seem to grow bored of it.

_This is how it all began._

* * *

The cold wind running through the dark streets of Los Angeles chills me to the bone. I pull my jacket tighter around my body and pick up the pace. The tears on my cheks are still hot, however as they flow freely from my eyes. I tri wiping them away with the back of my hand but it's pointless because more come to take their place.

When my apartment building finally comes into sight I walk even quicker to reach it. My hands are shaking as I shove the key into the lock and take refuge in the warm home. I take a minute to catch my breath before eyeing the stairs. With a long, exasperated sigh I pull these stupid high-heel shoes off and head up to our flat in just my stocking-covered feet.

I unlock the door and go inside to see everything just the way I left it. The sink is still full of dishes I have yet to do and Kendall's sweatshirt is hanging loosely on the back of the sofa. That's more of him than I've felt around here for a long time. This is Kendall's and my fault but it really just feels like mine. He's never home anyways. I sniffle a little at the thought before tiredly shrugging off my jacket.

I strop these fancy clothes off on the way to our bedroom. I don't even know why I bothered to dress up tonight. Perhaps I just wanted to look nice if I didn't end up going through with it...But it did. A part of me wishes I didn't, but the other part of me insits that it was the right thing to do. I need to stand up for myself. Kendall has spent a long time teaching me that.

As I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a sweater I marvel at just how long it's been.

Kendall and I have known each other forever; who would have thought we'd end up here? I sigh and look at myself in the mirror. My skin is smooth and clean of bruises. I see no cuts or scrapes, only rings of make up under my eyes from crying. Kendall has never hit me and I'm sure he never will' in that instance he's better than most of the men in my life. Only Kendall hurt me in another way. It makes my stomach sick and my eyes watery to even fathom about it. How is it that this feels so much worse than a smack in the face?

I shake my head as I remember Kendall's reaction to my words tonight. He really doesn't get it, does her? Perhaps I owe him a better explanation that that. After all, he's my best friend.

I rummage through my desk and retrieve a pen and a few pieces of paper. I take them back to the sofa where I curl jump and turn on the little lamp next to me, it takes me a while to think of how to start this letter…there's so I have to say. After too much time spent contemplating, I just decide to let my heart guide me and tell me the words.

Welp, I'm too excited so I'm just going to post the first chapter ^_^

_Amanda_

I turn the page of the super cheesy romantic novel my friend had given me last Christmas that I had just now bothered to start reading, I skim through the black lettered print pages filled with gushy romantic love that is clearly a fairy tale. Because let's face it. This Niall character is pissing me off, what kind of a friend treats a girl like complete shit? I do have to say I'm pretty impressed that Megan had the sheer guts to let go of the douche bag, but I knew I shouldn't hold my breath on that because as we all know all romance novels usually end in the lover boy running back to the distressed heart-broken girl begging for her to let him have another chance. And as always, you guessed it. The girl will become an emotional wreck and start sobbing and she shakes her head yes and they kiss and all is well again and they live happy ever after.

No.

Just no. That's not reality. If I was Megan and a douchebag came up to my front door with flowers and chocolate professing how wrong he was and wanted me back. I'd knee him where it hurts take the chocolate and slam the door in his face. Because in reality, that's how life is. If you're going to be a jerk, well then, you better be ready to suffer the consequences. Boys need to know that if they mess up with a girl, they can't just come back and swoop her back up in their arms and give them chocolate well sporting there adorable smile. They need to earn it first; they need to prove to that girl that they would do anything in their power to get the one thing they want most in the world back in their life. I'm sure they'd chop their own balls off if it meant being able to play there X-box 24/7 without their family or girlfriends pestering them, especially their girlfriends. They nag them constantly! Yes, your boyfriend likes Call of Duty – Stop Crying about it

If you didn't catch on yet. The characters in this book and the things that are being said in this book is basically my entire relationship with Kendall, my best friend.

Sure it may sound stupid and downright ridiculous that they could spend so much time on the damn thing, but hey it's how they roll. Just like how us girls can talk about crazy obsessed boy bands and the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars for five hours and never seem to grow bored of it.

_This is how it all began._

The cold wind running through the dark streets of Los Angeles chills me to the bone. I pull my jacket tighter around my body and pick up the pace. The tears on my cheks are still hot, however as they flow freely from my eyes. I tri wiping them away with the back of my hand but it's pointless because more come to take their place.

When my apartment building finally comes into sight I walk even quicker to reach it. My hands are shaking as I shove the key into the lock and take refuge in the warm home. I take a minute to catch my breath before eyeing the stairs. With a long, exasperated sigh I pull these stupid high-heel shoes off and head up to our flat in just my stocking-covered feet.

I unlock the door and go inside to see everything just the way I left it. The sink is still full of dishes I have yet to do and Kendall's sweatshirt is hanging loosely on the back of the sofa. That's more of him than I've felt around here for a long time. This is Kendall's and my fault but it really just feels like mine. He's never home anyways. I sniffle a little at the thought before tiredly shrugging off my jacket.

I strop these fancy clothes off on the way to our bedroom. I don't even know why I bothered to dress up tonight. Perhaps I just wanted to look nice if I didn't end up going through with it...But it did. A part of me wishes I didn't, but the other part of me insits that it was the right thing to do. I need to stand up for myself. Kendall has spent a long time teaching me that.

As I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a sweater I marvel at just how long it's been.

Kendall and I have known each other forever; who would have thought we'd end up here? I sigh and look at myself in the mirror. My skin is smooth and clean of bruises. I see no cuts or scrapes, only rings of make up under my eyes from crying. Kendall has never hit me and I'm sure he never will' in that instance he's better than most of the men in my life. Only Kendall hurt me in another way. It makes my stomach sick and my eyes watery to even fathom about it. How is it that this feels so much worse than a smack in the face?

I shake my head as I remember Kendall's reaction to my words tonight. He really doesn't get it, does her? Perhaps I owe him a better explanation then that. After all, he's my best friend.

I rummage through my desk and retrieve a pen and a few pieces of paper. I take them back to the sofa where I curl jump and turn on the little lamp next to me, it takes me a while to think of how to start this letter…there's so I have to say. After too much time spent contemplating, I just decide to let my heart guide me and tell me the words.

* * *

** I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, it wasn't as long as I was rooting for, but things change. And what I mean by that is this...I'm super tired and I basically just tripped over the dog and face planted on my kitchen flooring...I swear I'm not that of a klutz when I'm alert to the world and not living off of 4 hours of sleep and 6 cans of monster energy drink...**

*******DON'T FORGET TO RUMPLE MY FEATHERS AND GIVE THE REVIEW BUTTON SOME HARD CORE LOVIN' ****I HOPE YOU TOOK THE RUMPLING MY FEATHERS IN A DIRTY WAY BECAUSE THAT'S THE POINT!*********_** (I heard it being said by some whore on Robot chicken my brother is watching it..either it was that or Loony tunes..either way it was weird. and she said it in a seductive way and I found it amusing)**_


	3. Best Friends

**paumichyy - ****Thanks for the review, don't worry you'll find out soon! **** Carlos'sCupcake- ****Yay I'm glad you like it, I won't stop writing it as long as I have people like you who like reading it (:**** SuperSillyStories- ****Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to calm down...and thankfully I didn't die and trip over the dog again! *Does happy dance***** Codex- ****I'm updating now, and yes I'm aware I repeated chapter one,I feel stupid for doing that, but hey, oh well whatever floats my boat you know? Thanks for reviewing!**** Annabellx2-**** Yayy it sounds like an awesome story? Why thank you deary, I'm glad you don't think it's a total waste of time..because that would make me sad :p**

**I'm just kind of curious, for those who did go to the Summer Tour in 2012****, did any of you guys like totally dye when James said "Aim and shoot." and he did that whole pointing thing...just uhhg. I about died, I swear I lost my virginity when I went to that concert and I'm only 15! :p ...oh and guess what? My birthday is in 21 days! And if they come to my city again I'm going to get VIP and give James a stuffed dog that looks like fox with a collar that has a piece of paper that says. ****_"Hey I just met, and this is crazy, I'm legal now have my baby."_****..because when my friend met them in 2012 so I got him a stuffed penguin plush that read ****_"Hey I just met and this is crazy, I may not be legal, but you should call me._****" and I put my phone number and twitter account on it and ****she gave it to Logan instead****..But that's okay, because I love my logiebear just as much.**

* * *

_Dear Kendall,_

_You know how much I hate writing letters. I'm almost as bad at writing my feelings as I am at explaining them out loud.. Anyway, this is probably going to sound like shit but it's the only way I can think of to tell you everything. I've tried talking and you won't listen, so maybe if you read these words yourself you'll understand what I tried to tell you tonight._

_ Honestly I don't know where to start. Maybe just by saying that you are my best friend and you always will be. The past will never change, only the future. With that being said, I want to remind you that you were my first._

_You were my first for so many things in my life. Those things will never change and I'll never forget, but there has to be a first in order for there to be a second, right? Your first love will always burn the brightest, even if it's not the best love you'll find, it was always be your first, I've spent enough time away from you to know this is true_

_ Kendall I really wanted to write this to you so I could make you remember. I want you to remember the person you used to be, and the people we used to be. I know those two little kids on the playground seem long gone by now, but every once in a while I think about them. Do you remember the first time we ever met one and other…_

* * *

sixteen years ago a six year-old me was playing hop scotch in the school yard. I was jus a scared little girl like the rest of my friends but the difference was that someone knew it. There was this boy; I remember his name even now, Steven, who used to pick on me every single day at school. He was a lot bigger than I was, which of course, was enough to scare any little kid. Whenever I made a move, he made a move, just waiting for an opportunity to torment me. He would do the stupidest little things too, like pull my ponytail when we would sit on the carpet during story time, or stand in my way and block the doorway. I don't know why he picked me, but I doubt he did either.

So that one day I was playing hop scotch with my friend when Steven found us. He started saying some god awful stuff that he probably picked up from his older siblings or something. He was just trying to get me uoset and it was working. I was already near tears when he laughed and gave me a shove. I immediately fell and landed on my hands and knees, I began to cry.

When Steven realized I was bleed and that he did some real harm he ran away. At the time I was just glad he left.

As I stood to my feet I found myself face-to-face with an unfamiliar looking boy. He had bright green eyes I had ever seen with blonde hair; Kendall. He was a lot taller than I was which wasn't hard to considering I was tiny. Kendall looked concerned as his eyes fell on my scraped and bleeding knees. At that point I was no longer crying. When you're a kid it's a lot easier to get over things.

"Are you alright?" Kendall asked, "What happened?"

To be honest I was a little intimidated by Kendall. He was a year older and back then, anyone older than me seemed scary. Nervously I asked his question. "Steven pushed me."

He looked angry but somehow his first priority was still to get me to the school nurse. Kendall held my hand and walked me to the infirmary. As we waited fpr the nurse to attend me I couldn't help but notice he was staring.

"What are you looking at?" I asked, annoyed and a bit confused.

Kendall grinned, "I'm looking at you."

"How come?"

He shrugged, "Because I think you're pretty. You've got such dark brown hair and big brown eyes…you're like my Grandma's end table!"

I just giggled. I was too young and naïve to blush at what I thought was a compliment at the time I just thought it was funny how excited he was about my hair. I was trying to think of something clever to say back when the nurse came out. She cleaned up my cut and places a bright blue bandage over it. With that I was sent back outside for the remainder of recess.

Kendall was so cute. He walked around with me the entire time to make sure I was alright. It was only a scrape, but little things like that seem like such a big deal when you're a kid. We walked past the football field where I caught sight of Steven. I was scared and tried to walk us in the opposite direction. Kendall noticed this and asked if that was him. I nodded nervously and continued trying to walk away.

Kendall, on the other hand, had ideas of his own. He marched right up to Steven. Meanwhile, I stood at a safe distance and stared at him like a deer in headlights. From what I heard Kendall told Steven to leave me alone. Steven was scared shitless because, like I said, Kendall was a year older. When he came back to me all he did was smile. I was six years old and already falling for that smile.

"He'll leave you alone," Kendall told me. I immediately wrapped him up in a hug. He hugged me back and it was almost like snuggling the way he buried his face in my shoulder.

"Why did you do that?" I ask curiously.

Kendall just smiled. Because we're friends, I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise."

_That was the first promise you ever made to me. You kept it for a long time Kendall, and for that I'm very thankful. You didn't to; we were just kids after all. But you were always good at keeping at your words…when you said we were friends, you meant it, We were best friends from there on. Of course you already know this, but I just thought I'd remind you of that moment. Anyways, when I was twelve and you were thirteen things began to change. Not for you, but for me…_

* * *

I woke up that morning knowing exactly what day it was. My calendar read September 15th, but to me it was an anniversary. It had been two years since my mom died. I still remember the day it happened. It was particularly cold for September and I walked home to an empty house. I was alone a lot when I was younger, my parents both worked hard to pay the bills. I waited up for hours for my mom to come home. Dad wouldn't arrive until three or four in the morning but my mom always came home at eight. Only she didn't that night. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to my dad's truck pulling in the driveway. We both knew something was wrong. As it turns out she was in a car accident; a drunk driver hit her and she died on impact.

Considering this, it was kind of ironic that my father turned to alcohol to cope with her death. If he's not at work he's here at home, mostly likely drink or halfway there. Nevertheless, he was always a good father. He took care of me and made sure I got everything he could provide for me.

That morning I went through my usual routine of getting dressed and making lunch for myself. My dad was passed out on the cough but I gave him a little nudge. He pried his eyes open and sat up. "Is it time to go?" He asked.

I only nodded, "It's eight, I'm off to school, and you have work in an hour." I was only twelve but I took care of both our hectic schedules. I took after my mom in that way; always responsible.

My dad smiled at me before asking his usual routine of questions.

"Did you pack your lunch? Is your homework finished? Are your teeth brushed?" His voice was slightly slurred as he was still in the process of waking up.

I nodded yes to all his questions before pulling on my shoes. "I gotta go before I'm late dad." I told him as I pulled the door open.

"Alright cupcake," he called after me, "Have a good day at school, I love you."

"Love you too dad," I said over my shoulder as I shut the door behind me.

I took my usual route to school, meeting up with my friends Casey on the way. If Kendall wasn't my best friend then Casey would be. She's great; I absolutely adore her.

As soon as we walked into school Kendall met us at the front door. He was all smiles and green eyes wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. "Heeeey Amanda," he said before playfully poking me in the stomach, "And Casey." He was about to ask how we were doing when the bell rings. We exchange smiles before heading in the opposite directions.

The day went by as usual; nothing special. Casey and I sat with Kendall and his friends James, Logan and Carlos, at lunch. The entire time they were trying to figure out why I was being so quiet. I just shook my head and told them I was tired. Truth is, I was upset about my mom, but I didn't want anyone to know. Kendall was the only one who didn't ask. Every time the spotlight was on me he quickly changed the subject before giving me a knowing smile. I smiled weakly back and kept picking at my sandwich.

At the end of the day, Kendall caught up to me on my way home. "Amanda!" he called from behind me. I turned around and my pulled my headphones out of my ears to see him running to me. I jokingly took a few giant steps back like I wanted to avoid him but he quickly caught up. He gave me a pouty face. "Don't run away from me!"

I laughed and pinched his cheek, "Aw poor baby," I teased him as we started walking again. "What's up?" I ask him.

"My mom wants you to come for dinner tonight, she's making your favorite." I smiled at first but took a few moments to think about it.

"I don't know Kendall." I said quietly.

He gave me an understanding look. "Does your dad want you home?"

I shrugged and thought about it. This is a hard day for him; for both of us. O the other hand, I know for a fact he's working late tonight. I heard his boss leave a message on the home phones answering machine earlier this morning when I was making myself a bowl of cereal. I didn't want to stay home all alone.

"Okay, I can come." I told him. His face lit up with a smile. "I just gotta call my dadwhen we get to your house."

Kendall nodded and we both turned around to head to his house.

Kendall's mom, Kathy. Could quite possibly be the sweetest lady I have ever met. She treats me like I was one of her own daughters; she always has, maybe it was because she was always around a house full of boys, but she especially acted motherly to me after my mom passed away. Once a week she invited me over to dinner. I got along with the entire family. Kendall's older brothers Kevin and Kenneth were like my own brothers. It was nice because I was an only child. Kathy also did things with me that my dad didn't know how to do girl things. She took me out to get my hair done and bought me clothes. Like I said, she's the sweetest lady I've ever met in my entire life.

Not to mention she's a great cook. I always understood why Kendall had such an enormous appetite. Kathy's always baking and cooking and stuffing them with food. It's a miracle her boys aren't twice the size they are now.

When we arrive I immediately called my dad at work. No one answered so I just left a message, figuring someone would let him know. My dad's a mechanic down at this little shop about twenty minutes away. He's been working there since I was three years old.

Our dinner was great as it always was and afterwards I got caught up talking to Kevin and Kendall. We ended up on the sofa in the basement downstairs having some sort of tickle war. Kendall was winning. He had me pinned against the arm rest as his hands attacked my sides. I was nearly screaming with laughter that only got worse when his brother joined in. I quickly whined that the two of them were ganging up on me. Kendall responded by freeing my body and allowing me a good shot at Kevin. This was how things usually worked out: Kendall and I against Kevin. Somehow he still managed to wind nearly every time.

I was losing again when their mom came downstairs. "Amanda, hun, its eight o'clock, what time did you dad want you home?"

Immediately I froze. Crud. I jumped up from the cough, untangling myself from Kendall in the process, and ran to the door. Kendall followed me. "Is everything alright Amanda?"

"I should probably be home by now." I say tying my left shoe. He nodded worriedly as I pulled the door open. "Thank you so much for dinner Kathy!" I called.

She came around the corner just in time to see me leaving. Suddenly someone pulled me back my sleeve. "You're not going out like that young lady," she said sternly, motioning to my short sleeve shirt. "It's freezing out there." Niall quickly handed me his jacket which I pulled on quickly. "And you're not walking, Kenneth can drive you." I smiled before giving her a big hug.

Kenneth got me home as fast as he could. He offered to walk me in but I refused. The last thing my dad would want was to have people in his house while he was drinking. I thanked him before scurrying out of the black SUV passenger side and onto the driveway then raced up the front porch stairs. I opened the door quietly and tried not to make a sound as I locked it behind me.

In the living room, I heard the sound of a glass bottle hitting the wood tabletop. I swallowed as my dad stomped into the hallway where I was. He was still wearing his dirty uniform. His face was unshaven, hair disheveled, and his eyes were slightly glazed over; a sign he'd been drinking.

His expression was nothing short of livid. "Amanda where the fuck have you been?!" He yelled furiously/

I flinched a little and took a step back. My dad had never talked to me like that, I opened my mouth to explain but he quickly cut me off. :I have been waiting here for hours now!"

"I-I-th-thought you were working late," I stammered. Why was I so afraid? This was my dad I was talking to, only it didn't seem like him.

"Oh so this is what you do when I work late, huh" he screamed accusingly, "You stay out all night doing God only knows what?!""

"N-no dad, I was at Kendall's house, I" –

"And you didn't bother to tell me that? Do you have any idea how worried I was? What the hell is wrong with you?" He just kept screaming and coming closer until I had backed myself against the wall. I was terrified and complete not expecting this from him.

I kept trying to give him an explanation but he refused to listen to me. "Don't you talk back to me!" he yelled. Suddenly something I was not expecting at all happened. His large, strong hand collided with my face. He hit me. The sound of his hand smacking against the flesh of my face filled the room, surprising us both. I was immediately knocked down by the powerful force. I was a small girl and he was a strong man.

Hurt and terrified I began to cry. My face burned. My dad took a step back as I hugged my legs and sobbed in a fetal position. "Kendall I….I-" he stammered. I looked up at him, fear in my eyes. I could tell he regretted hitting me but I didn't care. I was scared and angry. My legs were shaky but I managed to stand up. My dad reached forward gently but I flinched away from his hand. I stared at him before running to the stairs and skipping steps two at a time.

"Amanda, I'm sorry!" He called after me, but I completely ignored him.

I ran into my bedroom and locked the door behind me. That was the first time my dad had ever hit me or even sworn at me. I've seen him get angry like that but it was always directed towards something or someone else. I shivered with fear before climbing into bed. I wrapped myself up in my covers and tried to sleep it all away. Maybe in the morning this won't seem so bad. Maybe it will all be a strange dream and I'll forget about it in a few hours. I kept thinking this as I hide my face in my pillow and tried my best to sleep.

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_**Review lovelies! (:**_


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